Jump to content
Search In
  • More options...
Find results that contain...
Find results in...
Sign in to follow this  
Idaho

Baby Talk

Recommended Posts

I thought about putting this in Tech/Q&A but it may as well go here.

 

We have, as group, spread our seed far and wide and it seems some women have been polite enough to let us ejaculate into them enough times to achieve fatherhood. As we have parents old, new, step, and expecting I thought perhaps it's time to have a thread for sage advice, random questions, moaning, and general daddery!

 

First off, huge congrats to recent dads Rich and Bob (separate babies, they haven't bred with each other). And similarly large congratulations to all existing parents who, thus far, haven't killed their offspring in an attempt to assert dominance over the household (or for any other reason). Well done.

 

Personally, for those who don't know, I'm in the expectant camp. We're at 24 weeks as of tomorrow and growing a pair of twins. We're at the stage of looking at the important stuff to buy like prams and car seats, and Bec is at a stage of hugely fluctuating hormones so both me and the bank account are a little bruised.

 

Share your stories, thoughts, feelings. Or ignore this and fuck off. Whatever.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

We are enjoying being parents, it's tough at times but getting there - he slept for 6 hours last night which was his personal best.

 

Lots of people will be wanting to give you advice, including me right now, but take it with a pinch of salt - you will find your own way - what's right for you and the twins. So fuck 'em (the adults).

 

You'll see this advice elsewhere but whatever you do, don't have parents/grandparents/friends around as soon as they are born or in the first few days, you need space to try and get used the new normal and working out what you are doing - people want to think they are helping but they don't. Set their expectations that YOU will invite THEM over when you are ready (not the other way around). Set the amount of time they will stay with you, e.g. 2 hour visit, and don't have anyone staying in the same house overnight. I made my mother in law cry by telling her she can't stay with us for 1 week every month (seriously) but it's not about your parents, it's about your sanity and being able to look after the babies and when you're sleep deprived; you don't need people flapping around you you're doing it wrong or telling you how they used to do it (because advice changes for a reason). They think they are helping but they aren't. We finally had a good parental visit just last weekend, they were actually useful and did not get in the way.

 

Baby stuff is expensive, much of it you can get second hand off Gumtree etc - the only stuff you should buy new for sure is the base for the car seat, if you buy second hand you don't know if it's been in an accident. They don't care what they are wearing and they will just puke and shit on it. All they want is food, warmth and somewhere to sleep. Toys are pointless until at least past where we are (10 weeks), people will buy you shit but don't encourage them - if they ask what you want, you want nappies, baby wipes.

 

Friends with kids will probably pass on clothes (we have bought not one thread of clothing). I am seeing friends this Friday, we are passing on actually useful things like nappies, cotton wool etc.

 

Batch cook food - in the run up we cooked loads of stuff and froze it meaning you don't rely on take away, chocolate or nothing. It's great having decent food and not having to spend time cooking that stuff.

 

The single best thing we did... NCT classes, they were worth every penny and more, they helped...

 

1) Set our expectations of what life will be like as new parents

 

2) Educate us about what birth will be like, preferences, painkillers, and how to look after a newborn

 

3) Meet people in the same boat - we moved here a couple of years ago and don't have many connections locally, let alone people with kids. Not now though... Amanda is out nearly every day doing something with other mums, even if it's going for a walk in the park. We have a WhatsApp group which is great for whinging about stuff or asking things like, are you guys having this problem etc. etc. It's just moral support from people going through the same shit (literally).

 

Congrats again mate.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Bec has talked about wanting to do a class. A group called Tamba (twin and multi birth) do them. I'm cautious of it because like you say, and like others have said, advice is everywhere and it's best to feel your own way. Plus I don't like the idea of having a particular agenda on us ie. breast is best, natural birth etc.

 

As for meeting someone I think the nearest group is Guildford which is far away but Bec grew up here so has lots of support, plus 2 of her friends are due in January.

 

I'm really not convinced by a lot of things. She mentioned these sleepyheads pillows but I don't get what they're for? and a bumbo seat or something? If it were one baby it's not bad but it gets really fucking expensive when it's 2 of everything and stuff only lasts a few months! I think prams and car seats is going to run us to nearly 2 grand on their own but we're hoping the pram will last till their out of it and car seats SHOULD grow with them until they're like 7 or something.

 

On the happy side it's nice seeing the Mrs with a bump is pretty cool and they really kick the shit out of anyone that gets too close. Can't wait to meet them... expensive little cunts they are!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

expensive little cunts they are!

 

We got a mammas and pappas travel system (£800) for £75 quid used on ebay local collection. Some parents are all like only the best for my little ones etc, but fuck that, I'd rather save for when they give a shit than cart the little shits around in overpriced designer top end money hemorrhaging shite before they can even blow their noses.

 

Just wait for nursery bills though...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Don't be afraid to go the cheap/hand me down option, especially on stuff like clothes and pushchairs, like Gareth said, you can get a bargain and if it's shit you can just leave it on the street for some yoofs to turn into a go cart or something. My daughter's mother made me pay £500 on some silvercross thing and it was fucking awful, heavy, hard to steer and folding it requires a PhD. The Graco system I bought for George was £200, lighter and a million miles easier to use.

 

Not something you want to hear, but keep an eye on your Mrs afterwards, yes you will both be exhausted and stressed until you get into the swing of it, but keep an eye on the danger signs of post partum depression. I don't have to remind you all of what happened to me, it can be subtle but build steadily until it's their new "normal" and they cant see theres something wrong with them. Not everyone gets it, some only for a short time but others can get it bad.

 

On a lighter note, congrats to you both!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tamba looks like it's along the same lines as NCT but for multiple kiddies - go for it; if it's anything like NCT they will talk over options (like pain relief) rather than preaching at you. They will very likely give you advice on what Ash described - baby blues and post natal depression (they are different things).

 

Empirically, breast is best but it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out - there is nothing wrong with a bottle fed baby.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

True breast is best but my concern is that it get pushed way too much and then if Bec struggles with it then that could really affect her.

 

We're already aiming for a c-section and been leant on a bit by various midwifes. Cunts! Nah they've been fine but there has been a small air of judgement.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There's positives and negatives to both. breastfeeding is hard work. my wife ended up doing it for 22 months cos weaning was impossible. She basically had to go away for 4 days so crackbaby could go cold turkey with me dealing with the screams. That was fun. like a toddler requiem for a dream.

 

Formula also tends to be more filling, so less night feeds. But then there's all the prep and measuring and sterilising. Boob is just there. Bam, happy baby.

 

Ultimately it's whatever works and that, but don't take breastfeeding lightly, cos it's a lot to take on, and once it starts, stopping is a nightmare which gets tricky when mummy has to go back to work etc.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If you go for the c section whatever you do don't watch. It is horrifying I hear.

She keeps telling me I should watch. She can fuck right off.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

She keeps telling me I should watch. She can fuck right off.

 

You're probably ok to agree to it - there'll be a lot of people in the room all doing their bit, you won't see much!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Oh yeah and buy a microwave sterilizer, sod Milton tablets and buckets and all that shit, just wash the bottles in the sink and then blitz them in the microwave.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yes! Microwave steriliser is easier than steamer or boiling in pan. We started with a steamer type steriliser but it was a pain.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I saw far too much...

 

Make sure you cut the cord/s!!

 

I've never got the appeal of that. It has weird connotations.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Firstly I think whatever I'm going to might not ring true with twins, as you're in a completely different ball game there.

 

We had a bit of an odd time and I could write at great length about it.

 

NCT was fine, gets you through a lot but mostly it focuses on the positive side and ignores negative shit that can and will happen. Everyone we spoke to at the NCT reunion faced something, some of which I had no idea was possible. I will write more later.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hadn't posted anything about this yet. But I thought I would explain what happened to us a little now I actually have five minutes. The reason I say most of this is because most of the time you have options, even if you are mostly at the behest of the doctors and midwives you can tell them if you don't like something and they will listen, sometimes they will however tell you that you must do something for the sake of the children. This is also designed to be a little bit of a cautionary tale to make you always go with your gut instinct on things and say something if you don't think it's right.

 

We were told we had to be induced because of the size of the baby after all of the scans, and get him out early. So she was induced at 38 weeks and 2 days. Went in on the Sunday night and she was having full on contractions by the morning (which is fast but it depends how sensitive you are to the medicine) but her cervix wasn't doing anything. The heart rate of Bert dropped a couple of times so they chemically backed her off out of labour. Asked us what we wanted to do, do they induce again next day or do a C section, we opted for the C section. All was fine but she lost a lot of blood and her iron levels were very low, he fed off the breast straight away but over the next day or so he wouldn't do it for very long and I was getting a little concerned but I didn't say anything. Everyone seemed happy and Sarah Lou didn't know any better, so we were discharged. Had a horrible night at home where he screamed all night and the midwife came out next day and said he looked jaundiced (it was getting worse because he wasn't feeding properly) so we went back into hospital. Tested his blood sugar and it was very low and he'd lost 11% body weight (up to 10% is considered normal in the first few days) so they bottle fed him. He won't fucking breastfeed now because he's lazy and it's too much like hard work. Breastfeeding is tough, as not much comes out at first anyway, but you need to do it for a while to get those precious drops, like 20 minutes each boob.

 

So the only thing I would say is, if you don't think something is right, say something. And ask if there are alternatives. C sections sound great in theory, but if she ends up having one, be aware that you will have to do absolutely everything for a week or maybe more as it is brutal.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Slightly flippant comment from me but go to the cinema, you'll have no fucking chance too once little uns are here!

 

Also I agree with Rich, if you don't think something is right then check, we got told that at our NCT group and it helped me when wifey got induced with our first to get her an epidural after a whole night on syntocin.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's really fucking hard trying to balance a time intensive hobby like gaming with work, marriage and being a good parent. Really fucking hard. Especially with no family nearby.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this  

×